


In The Air There's A Feeling of Christmas

by Magnetism_bind



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Blowjobs, Christmas Parties, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Getting to Know Each Other, Happy Ending, Holidays, Idiots in Love, Jumping to Conclusions, Light Angst, Lust at First Sight, M/M, Miscommunication, Modern Era, Seriously if they would just talk to each other, intimacy issues, just complete idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21906490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnetism_bind/pseuds/Magnetism_bind
Summary: Two weeks before Christmas, Silver starts worrying that Flint is going to break up with him.
Relationships: "Calico" Jack Rackham/Charles Vane, Billy Bones/Muldoon, Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver, Eleanor Guthrie/Charles Vane, Eleanor Guthrie/Max
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105
Collections: Black Sails Gift Exchange 2019





	In The Air There's A Feeling of Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lupismaris](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=lupismaris).



> Merry Christmas, @lupismaris! I hope you enjoy this! <3

_Two weeks before Christmas_

"He's planning to break up with me!"

Billy looks up as Silver bursts through the door of their music store. "What?"

"Flint." Silver pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to calm his breathing. "He's going to break up with me, I just know it."

"That seems unlikely, given from the way you two were canoodling the other day." Billy tells him.

"Nobody says canoodling anymore..." Max observes, turning a page in the magazine she's flipping through at the counter.

Billy shoots her a look over the counter. "Why are you here again?" 

"I'm reviewing your music selection." Max says blithely, turning another page. “It’s severely lacking.”

"She's hoping Eleanor will come in." Muldoon pipes up and Max shoots him a dirty look. His ears turn red and he ducks down behind the counter to look for something.

"None of this is helping the immediate crisis at hand." Silver says, going around the counter into the back room.

Billy sighs and follows him. Silver's dramatically stripping off all his winter things, coat, hat, scarf, gloves and tossing them across the stack of records that need to be cataloged, scattering snow everywhere.

"You better not be getting snow on the new vinyl."

"They're supposed to already be unloaded." Silver throws himself into the chair behind the desk with a groan.

"Yes, and who was supposed to do that exactly?" Billy inquires, leaning against the doorway. 

"Excuse me, I am in the middle of a crisis here." Silver reminds him.

"What gives you the idea that he's going to break up with you?" Billy asks. At this point he's realized that Silver truly is freaking out about this and not just being dramatic about something, as very very occasionally, he is wont to do. "I take it he didn't say, "I want to break up with you."

"He said we needed to talk," Silver says gloomily. "Which is just as bad."

"Not really." Billy says. "He might want to suggest moving in together, or maybe getting a plant."

"Well, that's a horrible idea. I killed the cactus I was given last year." Silver rubs his hands over his eyes.

"I don't think he's actually going to suggest you two get a plant." Billy says patiently. "It was just an example. How would you feel about the moving in?"

"I don't know." Silver picks at the skin on his thumb pensively. "It's a bit...serious isn’t it?"

"I thought you were serious." Billy raises an eyebrow. Ever since Flint and Silver got together last summer, he'd gotten that vibe even before the point where they were comfortable with ‘canoodling’ as he calls it, which for them is merely holding hands outside the shop last week, and kissing each other goodbye when they leave sometimes. Billy appreciates that frankly; he's never been one for overly public demonstrative affection, (one of the many reasons no one at the store knows he and Muldoon are dating) but at the same time he _likes_ seeing Silver and Flint that comfortable with each other now. it means something, though he’s not sure he can put it into words.

"We are." Silver says quietly. "Or at least I am." He looks small suddenly, leaning over hunched in the chair, gripping his hands together. "Anyway..."

"Look." Billy crouches down in front of him so Silver has to pay attention to him. "It's going to be okay."

"How do you know that?" Silver says balefully. 

"I have a feeling." Billy tells him kindly, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. "Besides, it's two weeks before Christmas. Who breaks up with someone then?" He starts to head back out to the front.

"Plenty of people." Silver follows him. "People who don't want to get someone a gift. People who don't want their boyfriends to meet their family. People who are ashamed of their partners. People who have been waiting for an excuse. People-"

"It's clear you've given this a lot of thought." Billy interrupts. Muldoon’s gone over to the window display and is fixing the lights. Max is still immersed in the magazine. There aren’t any other customers. It’s a slow snowy day.

"Well, I keep thinking it's going to happen." Silver sidles behind the front counter and stares moodily out at the snow. 

"You keep thinking he's going to break up with you."

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"Because I still can't believe we're together in the first place." Silver hisses. "I mean, you've seen Flint, right?"

"Yes, I've seen him." Billy says noncommittally. Muldoon rolls his eyes at him from his corner and Billy resists the urge to throw a pen at him. He wasn’t sure about Flint in the first place, if he were honest, and now, he’s happy Flint makes Silver happy. That’s all that matters.

"Exactly." Silver points at him. "And me, well..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

Silver shrugs miserably.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the bell rings then as a customer finally comes into the store and Silver straightens up to help them. Billy goes into the back to unload the vinyl. 

* * *

Eleanor does show up eventually, (late to her shift). The snow flurries in through the door around her and Silver watches Max watch her with barely contained longing in her eyes. It's so transparent he feels the need to nudge her in the side and remind her that people can see her, Eleanor can see her for fuck's sake, except that's the problem, Eleanor doesn't see anyone except her stupid boyfriend, and Max might as well be invisible for all the good it does her. 

It makes Silver wonder. Does he look like that around Flint? Maybe at the beginning then. When they first met, he was trying so hard to be cool, to be chill, trying desperately not to reveal how much he liked Flint, how much he wanted him. 

God, how he had wanted Flint from the beginning. From the first moment that they had noticed the bar across the street was getting redone, new sign, new management, the whole works, Silver had been enthused simply to have a new place to have a late drink after work. He's carefully cultivated his tiny corner of London so it's not a struggle to exist. He has a tiny two room flat over a bakery, two streets down from the music store. The corner store has mostly everything he needs spur of the moment, and when he needs to actually go grocery shopping, he can go to the Tesco's around the other corner.

He has a small, manageable life filled with music and friends, and it's enough really. It's _his._

And then Flint had opened his bar and Silver had suddenly become aware of just what precisely all those ridiculous love songs were truly about. He'd always loved music (hence the job at the music store with Billy, owned by Eleanor's grandmother, and yes, that is why Eleanor is allowed to swan in late), but pop music was not his preferred genre, classic rock was obviously where it was at. And yet now....now he listened to Taylor Swift and Hozier and pined quietly for the ginger-haired man across the street. 

It had been an agonizing three months. The relaxing drink at the bar had become a ritual to see how many times Flint glanced in his direction, whether they spoke to each other at all, what was said, and how was it said. Flint's tone tends towards brusque, or busy, but ever so often, there's a warmth and humor it in that Silver yearns to have all the time.

Silver had gotten the drinks so often during that first month that Billy had become suspicious. "What's with you?" He asks when they're leaving the bar. "I know you can't afford this all the time."

“You’re right." Silver shrugs. "But..." he pauses, because it's always been Billy and him who roll their eyes at Eleanor's relationship dramatics, or Muldoon's quiet but varied dating adventures, and now it feels as though he's gone over to the other side. Betrayed by the simple act of longing.

He glances back over his shoulder and catches sight of Flint in the window. His arms span the width of it as he brings the curtain down and Silver sighs a little at the sight of his broad shoulders in action. When he looks back to Billy, Billy's gazing at him with a peculiar expression.

"You fancy him, don't you?" Billy asks matter-of-factly. It's the end of summer and Silver's sweating like he just ran a marathon just from looking at Flint. 

"I didn't mean to!" Silver blurts out. "It just happened."

"It's all right," Billy sighs as they start walking again. "It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Really?" Silver gives him a skeptical look. "What makes you say that?"

"Your heart wasn't meant to be hidden forever." Billy says matter-of-factly. He’s always known this, ever since he and Silver became friends in school. 

Silver punches him in the shoulder. "Take that back, how dare you say such a sentimental thing." 

Billy snickers, the blow not even registering. "It's true though." 

Silver makes a scoffing sound.

* * *

He lingers at the bar one night a few weeks later, waiting for confirmation that Billy's not going to be coming tonight before he leaves. For once he’d actually been sitting at the bar and not at the corner table, attempting to play it cool as Flint tends bar.

"Your friend not meeting you tonight?" Flint asks casually. 

"Mm?" Silver looks up startled. 

"Tall, blonde, muscled." Flint clarifies. "Usually here drinking with you."

Silver huffs a laugh. It figures.

"Sorry?" Flint cocks his head, looking at him and he realizes he said that aloud.

Silver can feel his ears redden. "Hm, sorry, I just meant, of course you remember Billy." 

Flint raises an eyebrow. "Anyone remembers someone who drinks pints of that size." He pauses as if he's about to say something and then busies himself wiping down the bar.

Silver shrugs. It figures too that the first time he and Flint are having a conversation, they wind up talking about Billy. He finishes his drink and sets the glass down.

"Care for another?" Flint inquires and again Silver is startled by his voice speaking directly to him. God, he loves Flint’s voice. 

"Um..." Silver looks around. He notices the bar is empty and it's just the two of them. He looks back at Flint, slightly confused. "You're closing aren't you?"

"Depends." Flint says easily.

"On?" Now Silver's thoroughly confused. This is definitely the hour they close. He should have been out the door long before now. He never wants to be the last one there, looking completely pathetic and alone. 

Flint leans on the bar, just looking at him, "On whether or not you want to stay for that drink." His gaze is direct and warm with interest and Silver feels that warmth right down his body.

For a moment he wonders if he's dreaming and then Flint smiles slightly. "So which is it?"

"Staying." Silver says quickly. Oh, he's definitely staying.

* * *

That had been over a year ago and here they are. It's been going well in Silver's estimate and now...now he sighs. Really he should have expected Flint to break up with him long before this. The mere fact that it had lasted past six months is a miracle. He doesn’t care what Billy says.

He keeps thinking about that first night on his short walk home. He had watched Flint go around the bar and close the curtains, giving the room a secluded private feeling, and then Flint had strolled back behind the bar and reached for the good whiskey, the kind that Silver quite enjoyed, but really didn't have the funds for these days.

"That's..." Silver starts to say and Flint just finishes pouring them both a drink before he says, "It's on me."

He nudges one of the glasses across the bar toward Silver. 

Silver coughs slightly. Now that he has Flint's undivided attention, he feels slightly unnerved. What the hell is he supposed to do? 

"What should we drink to?" he says.

"Absent friends." Flint suggests. There's a twinkle in his eye. 

Silver looks at him. "Are you implying that we wouldn't be here right now if Billy had come out for a drink tonight?"

"He's very..." Flint shrugs. "You know what I mean."

"Mmm." Silver's smiling slightly now. He does know, and he's amused that someone as sure of himself as Flint would be put off by it. He'll have to tell Billy.

"And besides, I couldn't tell for sure if you were “friends” or otherwise."

"Supposing I had said, no my boyfriend can't make it tonight?" Silver asks curiously. He half wants to know the answer, half doesn't. He himself would have the been the type, a few years ago at least, to say it didn't matter.

"I would have been disappointed." Flint says softly. "And we would not be sharing this drink." He takes a sip of whiskey, still looking at Silver's eyes.

"Oh?" Silver asks.

Flint nods and looks at him. "Does that surprise you?"

Silver shrugs. "I know it wouldn't have made a difference for some people." He's not sure why they're talking about this, he doesn't want to discuss possible things like this, not at the beginning.

_The beginning of what?_ his brain asks. _You're just having a drink together._

And yet somehow, Silver knows it is the beginning of something here. 

"Mm," Flint says. "Not generally how I operate."

"And how do you operate?" Silver sips his drink, leaning on the bar, watching him. The room is warm and intimate now that it's just the two of them. He likes it, likes the feel of it.

"I wait for the friend to be absent." Flint grins at him. "And hope that they're not romantically involved."

Silver half snorts into his drink. "Romantically involved is not a phrase I would attribute to myself, definitely not with Billy."

"Why?" Flint inquires. "Don't you like romance?" 

Silver's stumped by the question. He's never really considered the question. "I'm not sure, to be honest. If we're talking settling down and getting married and the whole domestic dream, not so much." He pauses, looking at Flint's sea green eyes gazing back into his, deep and arresting. “As for meeting someone and falling in love..." He can't think, he's caught in the whirlpool of Flint's gaze, being drawn down and down, and what's worse is he's not even pretending to struggle. He's drowning himself willingly.

"Well?" Flint inquires, still waiting.

"Jury's still out on that one." Silver says lightly. He's rewarded with another smile, and he tries to ignore the slight fluttering in his stomach at the sight of it. 

"Well." Flint says when the drink is done and their empty glasses sitting side by side on the bar together.

"Well?" Silver says back. He feels warm and relaxed and he doesn’t want the conversation to end.

"We could call it a night, or..." Flint pauses, looking at him again with that intense gaze. "or we could go upstairs."

"I vote for the second one." Silver says. "Unless you were wanting to get to bed."

He says it with a completely straight face and in turn, Flint answers, "Well, I was, but it doesn't mean you can't come."

Silver grins at him.

Now he watches as Flint turns out the lights and the bar is cast into soft shadows. Outside the streetlights dance off the pavement. They go up the stairs slowly together and at the top of the stairs, Flint turns and reaches out a hand. 

Slowly, he leans in, sliding his hand up Silver's hip as his mouth descends. A delicious tingling shiver travels over Silver's body as Flint kisses him. He's never been kissed like this and he leans into it like a man welcoming his fate. If he were drowning before, he's at the bottom of the sea by now with no hope of a rescue. 

They move backwards, Flint leading, Silver following. He's dimly aware of passing through a front room with bookshelves and an old sofa, down the hall with maps and artwork on the walls, and then into Flint's bedroom. There's a lamp turned down low in the corner, and it fills the room with a soft warmth that makes Silver feel absurdly at home. The coverlet across the bed is red and gray patterned squares and it's soft as Flint draws Silver down on the bed.

Silver inhales quickly as Flint draws back. "Ah..."

"Too fast?" Flint asks. "Too slow? Too…”

"Nothing." Silver smiles at him. "In the words of Goldilocks, it's just right."

At that Flint starts laughing helplessly. "Does that make me one of the three bears?"

Silver snickers, "Well."

He recovers after a moment and sits there, pressing his hands flat against the duvet, half afraid if he looks at Flint again, he won’t get this out. “I have. Um…” There’s no point in beating around the bush. He reaches down for his left trouser leg and rolls it up far enough so Flint can see the prosthetic. 

Now he glances up because he needs to see what’s in Flint’s eyes. 

“Okay.” Flint says, clearly waiting for something else. Like he doesn’t think this is the thing that Silver was concerned about. Half of Silver loves him for that, and half of him wants to go, ‘don’t you see what a big deal this is?’ 

At the same time, the weight in his chest has lightened enough that he can breathe again. He rolls the cuff back down and turn back to Flint. “Okay.” 

Flint smiles at him and leans in again. 

They kiss slowly and Silver finds himself melting again, Flint’s arms fit so perfectly around him. He lies back on the bed as Flint kisses his way down his chest, and then pulls Silver’s sweater up to press his lips to Silver’s bare skin.

Silver shivers under the press of his warm lips. He feels himself harden and knows Flint can feel it too. 

Flint smiles against his stomach and if this is paradise, Silver can’t believe he’s worthy of it.

Silver shivers again as Flint cups him through his jeans. He's dreamed about Flint for so long that now his dreams are becoming reality, he doesn't know what to make of it. It seems impossible.

Flint presses his palm warmly against him. "It's real enough." There's a trace of a chuckle in his voice and yet it's kind, not laughing at Silver. 

"I just..." Silver shakes his head and then he gasps as Flint strokes him. He can't speak as Flint unzips his jeans and draws him out. For a moment Flint just kneels there, gazing down at him and Silver feels a rush of heat all over his skin. And then Flint ducks his head down and takes him in his mouth. 

Silver groans again, bracing himself on his elbows, trying to keep from arching upward into Flint's mouth. Flint's hands are on his thighs, drawing his jeans and briefs down further, until Silver's on the bed completely buck naked from the waist down. Then Flint sits back and grins at him. 

His hands were gentle but matter-of fact as they had drawn his jeans down over his leg. Now Flint glances at his prosthetic, curiously but not staring. 

"I'll take it off, if you have no objection." Silver says.

"Whatever you're comfortable with." Flint says, stroking his knee. He moves back as Silver leans down to unfasten it. 

Silver sets it to one side and looks up at him. "Now..."

Flint smiles. "Where were we?" He leans in to kiss Silver again, crawling atop him, straddling him. Silver gasps as he feels Flint through his briefs. 

“I want you.” He murmurs and it’s all the encouragement Flint needs.

Flint eases a slick finger into him and Silver grips the headboard as Flint stretches him with deep, teasing strokes. It is unfair that Flint is so good at this, that he knows exactly how Silver needs to be touched. 

When Flint finally sinks inside him Silver utters an embarrassingly loud moan and Flint chuckles, kissing him hungrily as he moves inside him. Silver wraps his legs around Flint, letting him sink deeper. He pants harder with every thrust of Flint's cock, gripping Flint's back with both hands. 

Flint moves faster, gripping Silver's curls and tugging them just a tad roughly as Silver's achingly close and then he comes, tightening around Flint, feeling Flint spill inside him. 

Flint wraps his arms around Silver as he comes, and they collapse there on the bed, panting together. Flint moves a little, brushing back the curls from Silver's face as he gazes down at him. 

"I owe your friend a drink." He murmurs. 

"How's that?"

"I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to ask you out if he wasn't there." Flint murmurs and Silver just laughs, resting his forehead against Flint’s.

* * *

The next morning Silver starts to sneak out before Flint wakes up. He rarely stays the night and doing breakfast is out of the question. He's half dressed when he hears a sleepy voice murmur, "Surely you're not leaving before a cup of coffee?"

Silver pauses, one sock on. "I....are you sure?"

"Sure about coffee?" Flint chuckles and it still has that gravelly sleep rough sound to it that makes Silver's stomach tighten with longing. "very sure. Come on."

He gets up, shirtless, reaching for his sweater draped over the chair. Silver follows him almost without thinking into the little kitchen where Flint sets about making coffee for both of them. Silver sits at the kitchen table, watching Flint move about the room. The sunlight through the yellow-flowered curtains is mild and pleasant. Flint’s hair is pulled lazily back in a ponytail and he still looks half asleep as he hands Silver a mug of milky coffee. Silver sits there, sipping his coffee feeling a warm contentment in his stomach.

As it so happened, Silver had been right. That night was the beginning.

* * *

Silver’s flat over the bakery is very small. It’s barely enough room for him and he’s never minded that. Somehow when he has Flint over (eventually, because even Silver knows it’s strange if you’re dating someone and you never have them over), it feels like it’s gotten even smaller, and yet Flint himself just fits into the space. Silver’s aware of everything, the amount of steps it takes to cross the room, how the bathroom is barely there, there’s only room for the shower and the toilet, and yet Flint sits easily in the chair next to the desk by the window, drinking his black coffee out of Silver’s cracked china mug, holding it in his hands like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

They don’t move in together. They spend most of their nights at Flint’s but occasionally at Silver’s. Flint’s also conveniently close to the bar obviously, and Silver doesn’t have to explain his thing about trying to keep his life in in reachable spaces. He thinks Flint understands anyway. 

Flint understands a lot without Silver telling him. It seems unfair, but it’s simpler too. 

That was then. 

Now Silver stretches out on his bed and sighs, trying to tell himself that perhaps Billy is right. Perhaps it’s something totally different that Flint wants to talk about. He tells himself this, but he doesn’t believe it.

* * *

The next evening they’re in Flint’s kitchen while Flint cooks dinner. Silver’s half paying attention to the Christmas music, sappy sentimental stuff he wouldn’t have thought Flint would play but he likes learning these things about Flint, half just standing there, and feeling content as he tries to open the wine. 

Flint clears his throat as he stirs the sauce for the potatoes he's roasting. "So..."

Oh god, here it comes. Silver keeps his back turned as he pours them both a glass of wine. He's not ready to break up with Flint. He doesn't *want* to break up with Flint. They've barely been together over a year and it's not enough. He's not gotten Flint to go to the Bahamas with him yet and he was really going to try to persuade to him this winter. They've never gone skinny-dipping either, a thing again that Silver was going to attempt in the Bahamas. 

They've never even gotten a plant together. 

He's not sure about the moving in thing. It makes him feel a little trapped in general but when he thinks about moving in with Flint, it makes the tightness in his chest ease a fraction so maybe it would be all right. if only Flint wants to move in together and not break up.

"I've been thinking." Flint starts again. 

Silver's heart constricts. He can't do this tonight. He just wants just one more night with Flint. One more night, is that too much to ask for? Surely even he deserves that much?

He turns around and smiles at Flint. "Were you?" He says lightly. "So was I."

"Oh yeah?" Flint sounds a little surprised, eyebrows raised. 

Silver brings the wine over to him and hands Flint's glass to him, letting his fingers brush over Flint's as he does. “Mmhmm.”

Flint raises his eyebrows but doesn't speak as Silver's hand drifts down his chest, and lower still.

"I was thinking." Silver murmurs. "About this all day." He sets his wine down on the counter and runs his hand over Flint's groin, slipping to his knees as he does.

Flint gazes down at him as Silver undoes his zipper. "That sounds distracting."

“It was a bit," Silver admits. "Not very helpful to the customers for me to be imagining running your thick cock over my lips."

Flint inhales sharply, gripping the counter as Silver draws him out. "No, I imagine not." He bites back a groan as Silver does exactly that, brushing the head just lightly over his full lips. He has the feeling SIlver's trying to distract him from something, but at the moment he can't honestly bring himself to care.

Silver runs his tongue over the head of Flint's cock lightly, feeling Flint harden underneath his expert touch. He mouths all the way around the head before taking him inside. His fingers dig into Flint's ass, pressing him deeper inside Silver's mouth. It's very unfair that Silver's doing this now. He's unbearably good at giving head and Flint gives a soft gasp as Silver squeezes his ass again, bobbing his head slower, and finally, finally, getting Flint to moan.

Flint leans back against the counter, gripping it with both hands as Silver keeps going. His eyes fall closed, panting slightly. Silver pulls him closer and closer to the edge, always teasing, never fully getting there until Flint’s half mad with desire. Only then, when Flint’s at the breaking point and one hand slips down to curl tightly in Silver’s hair, does Silver allow him to come.

* * *

In the morning though Silver can't deal with it then either. He sneaks out of bed while Flint's in the shower, scribbles a note and hightails it off to work. Maybe it makes him a coward but he's not in a hurry to get his heart broken. Not just yet.

* * *

"Unfuckingbelievable." Flint slings his coat off and hangs it on the rack behind the bar. Jack barely looks up from the cocktail recipe he's studying on his phone. There are only two old regulars having a pint in the corner and Flint ignores them.

"What?"

"Silver." Flint shoves his sleeves up and goes into the storeroom to grab the crate of new beers they’re stocking for the holiday season. 

When he comes back out with the crate Jack asks, "What about him?"

"He's avoiding me."

"What an odd thing to do with one's own boyfriend." Jack murmurs, eyes still fixed on his phone. He doesn't have to look up to see Flint twitch slightly at the term, which is why he used it. 

Flint is still twitchy about the term boyfriend. Even he admits it. Which is ironic considering what he's been trying to do. He can still feel the box in his pocket, even if he knows fully well that it's in his coat pocket which he's not even wearing anymore.

"That was my opinion." Flint says dryly, starting to open the crate of bottles. He stocks the bar in silence while Jack goes back and forth between cocktail recipes, making disparaging noises under his breath. 

Finally he finishes and looks at Flint. "Any particular reason he's trying to avoid you?"

"No idea." Flint says absently and then a terrible thought occurs to him. Supposing Silver's avoiding him because he's going to break up with Flint and he doesn't want to plan any holiday plans or do anything until he does it? No, surely, he wouldn't do that. And it wasn't like he had been _completely_ avoiding Flint, if that moment in the kitchen is anything to go by. 

"What is it?" Jack asks patiently. "You have a look on your face like you just ate a raw eel."

"What if he wants to break up with me?" Flint mutters, not quite looking at him.

To his relief Jack just sort of snorts. "Silver? Break up with you?" but then a few seconds later, "Why, what did you do?"

"Nothing." Flint shoves a bottle irritably back on the shelf. "I've done absolutely nothing." 

"Mmm, methinks he doth protest too much." Jack leans on the bar, studying him. "What were you going to do?"

"I was...planning." Flint is about to tell the whole truth when the door opens and Charles saunters in, bringing in a flurry of snow with him.

"Close the door!" Both Flint and Jack howl at him.

"It's closed, it's closed." Charles shakes his shoulders and sends more snow flurrying down onto the floor.

"Did you walk through a snow drift?" Jack inquires.

"It's just coming down." Charles shrugs as he pulls off the coat and adds it to the rack. 

“Go on with what you were about to say." Jack directs Flint, pointedly ignoring Charles. 

"I was going to..." Flint busies himself with tidying the bar menus, "Ask him to marry me." He says it in a very normal yet quiet voice but both of them hear him perfectly well.

Jack and Charles stare at him, Jack incredulously and Charles with surprised delight.

"You're what?" Jack says.

Charles turns towards him with a smug look. "You owe me twenty pounds."

"Fuck off." Jack mutters, but he still goes over to the till and opens it. 

"Hey." Flint says, "First off, you can't just nick from the till like that and secondly, what?" 

"When you two started shagging, I bet Jack twenty pounds that you'd wind up getting married." Charles holds out his hand and Jack grudgingly hands over the note.

"They're not married yet." Jack says sotto voce.

"That's not helpful." Flint says, and then, "When the hell did you do that?"

"Pretty much the first morning you came in with hickeys all over your throat." Charles says. 

"You deduced that I was going to get married from a bunch of hickeys?"

"I have a very discerning eye when it comes to matters of the heart." Charles says in an accent Flint can't place, and then realizes he's mocking Jack who rolls his eyes.

"I said that one time, while under the influence, and he's never let me forget it."

"Who can forget such poetic words." Charles leans on the bar, grinning at him. "Anyway, point is, I was right." 

"Well partially." Flint says gloomily. "As Jack says, we're not married yet. And we're never going to be if Silver keeps doing things like..." He cuts himself off because he doesn't exactly regret the blowjob in the kitchen, but he does wish it had ended in a proposal and Silver saying yes, instead of just going to bed and falling asleep before he could think how to get the words out.

That’s the whole problem, the real reason that Flint keeps being so awkward when bringing it up, how to get the words out. How to say the damn thing. _I love you and I want to be with you even if we haven't even lived together yet. I want to grow old with you and wake up with you and know everything about you._ It was such a sappy sentiment, but the thing is, all of it's true. He wants all of that with Silver. 

"Like what?" Jack asks idly.

"Like blowing me in the kitchen instead of letting me propose." Flint mutters, because he is still annoyed even if it was a stellar blowjob.

Jack raises an eyebrow. "Really, you're complaining about that?"

"I was trying to tell him I want to be with him for the rest of our lives." Flint says heatedly.

"And instead he gets your dick out. Must have been awful." Charles drawls.

Flint reaches over and grabs the twenty out of his pocket.

"Hey!"

"Make him pay you out of his own pocket." Flint says, going over to the till and slapping the note back where it belongs.

Charles scowls and Jack just sighs.

Flint goes back to stocking the bar. He doesn't keep glancing out of the window to see if Silver's coming over for lunch. They don't always spend it together, not every day, but generally if they're not, they do text each other and so far he hasn't gotten a text from Silver. Surely if he can get Silver alone in the bar for a little while (and he will, even if he has to throw both Jack and Charles out into the snow), he can get the words out this time. It can't be that hard to do. Hundreds of people propose and accept and get married every day.

Just then his phone buzzes and his heart sinks even before he reads the text.

_Grabbing lunch with Max, xo xo_

Flint sighs and puts his phone down on the bar. Resting his palms on the countertop he watches the door of the music store open and Silver and Max go off down the street together. Silver's bright scarlet scarf is wrapped loosely around his neck. For a moment he glances back over his shoulder in the direction of the bar, but even if Flint waved, he wouldn't see him through the glass.

Flint merely watches until they turn the corner and are out of sight.

* * *

_One week before Christmas_

Every time Flint looks like he's about to try to talk to him about anything more serious than what to eat for dinner, Silver dodges the issue. He starts getting to work earlier than usual. If Flint texts to see if he’s free for lunch, he says he has too much work to do, and the one-time Flint calls the store, he makes Billy lie over the phone because Eleanor flat out won't.

“What the fuck?” Silver stares at her the next time she just hands the phone to him. “I told you to say I wasn’t here.”

“Yeah, so?” Eleanor shrugs. “It’s fucking dumb. You’re right here, so talk to him.”

Silver mutters under his breath but takes the call. He keeps it short, talking in clipped muttered tones. By the time he hangs up, he’s fairly sure it’ll be over soon. There’s no way he can keep this up forever. Flint sounded faintly exasperated and Silver can’t really blame him.

In a way, Silver thinks, and he knows he’s given up the ghost at this point for even thinking it, it’ll be a relief when it’s over. At least then he can fall apart for real instead of staving it off indefinitely. 

* * *

Flint’s getting fed up. He has no fucking clue what Silver’s feeling or thinking these days. The only thing that makes him think there’s any hope at all is that they still have sex. If they didn’t have that, if Silver started to turn away, Flint’s not sure what he would do. 

He stays late at the bar, drinking and watching the lights in Silver’s shop across the street. Jack’s often there still working on cocktails. He has high hopes for the bar’s New Year’s party. Flint can’t even think about New Year’s yet; he’s still hung up on Christmas.

“Just talk to him.” Jack mutters. 

“I’ve tried.” Flint says into his whiskey. “He doesn’t want to talk. I don’t know what he wants. I don’t know…if there’s even any point to this anymore. If he even cares.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jack says matter-of-factly. “Silver loves you. Anyone can tell you that.”

Flint sighs and leans on the bar. “I know, I know he does. So, what the fuck is he playing at?” 

Jack gives him a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. “At least he won’t be able to avoid you at the Christmas party.”

“That’s true.” Flint perks up a little at that. 

* * *

The Christmas party is happening at the bar this year. Flint and Jack hang up lights and wreaths inside and out. Charles is making his eggnog (lots and lots of brandy) whereas Jack has moved straight to flaming brandies. There are party favors and crackers to be pulled and a garland hung across the front of the bar.

Silver brings his whole cadre of music companions, Billy, Muldoon, Eleanor and Max and there are a few regulars from both the bar and the music store as well as anyone who chooses to walk in.

It does not start well. Eleanor and Charles show up in the middle of a fight and head in opposite directions as soon as they get inside. From the looks of it, it’s definitely over this time.

Max’s sipping a cocktail at the bar and Eleanor slides onto the stool next to her.

“Vodka tonic.” She says. “Or just vodka. Just a lot of vodka. A bottle. A bottle of vodka will do nicely.”

“Not very Christmassy.” Max observes.

Eleanor snorts. “I’m not feeling very Christmassy.” She glances at Max who looks at her and then away quickly. 

* * *

Meanwhile Jack rolls his eyes as Charles comes over to him and immediately pours himself a beer. “Let me guess, lover’s quarrel.”

“Don’t start.” Charles rasps, downing half the beer and letting the foam slop over the side onto the counter. Jack flicks his sleeve aside in disgust. 

“It’s just going around. Remember Flint’s plight.” Jack says this without even looking at him.

Which Charles dislikes. Usually Jack is looking at him. Usually Jack…well, pays him more attention. Charles leans against the bar and looks at him. Jack’s texting his bff who’s always late to shit, just like Eleanor. Charles looks over to where Eleanor’s at the other end of the bar, leaning on Max. Max who’s looking right into her eyes, and listening to her. Max who’s always listening. 

Charles takes a sip of beer, watching them, wondering if tonight’s the night they’ll be brave enough to call it off. Because let’s be real here, Eleanor and he love each other, but they’re not good together and they certainly don’t make each other very happy.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

Charles looks over at Jack. “What?”

“You’re breaking up with Eleanor?”

Charles blinks. “Did I say that out loud?”

Jack nods vigorously. “You said all of that out loud.” He takes a sip of his cocktail and makes a satisfied face. “Yes, that turned out good.” He looks at Charles and then nudges the drink over to him. “Try that.”

Charles takes it without any objections. He always tests Jack’s concoctions. Because Jack wants him to.

* * *

In the corner Billy is sipping a cup of eggnog and pretending he’s not noticing Muldoon making faces at him over his drink a few feet away. 

“Come on.” Muldoon mutters to him, jerking his head at the Christmas tree in the corner which he ducks behind.

After a minute Billy follows him behind the tree. “What?”

“Why can’t we hang out outside of work?”

“We hang out outside of work all the time.” Billy takes a sip of his drink. “You were over last night.”

“Yeah, but.” Muldoon shrugs. “We never get to…” He gestures. “We never get to be them.”

“Who?” Billy demands. “Who out there do you want to be? Charles and Eleanor who clearly should not be together?”

“I don’t think they’re gonna be for much longer.” Muldoon says sotto voce.

“Or Flint and Silver who don’t know what the fuck are going on with each other?” Billy squints down at him. “Is that who you wanna be?”

“I just want my boyfriend to kiss me at the Christmas party.” Muldoon says plaintively. “Is that so much to ask for?”

Billy sighs and leans down to kiss him.

* * *

Flint leans on the bar, listening to Eleanor tell a joke, clearly trying to impress Max, who clearly doesn’t need to be impressed at all, but is enjoying Eleanor try all the same. He wants to tell Eleanor to just relax and see what happens, but suspects that won’t do any good. Sometimes you just have to learn these things for yourself.

Not that it necessarily did him much good. He looks around for Silver but can’t see him anywhere. Flint sighs and takes a sip of beer. Up until a few weeks ago he thought things were going so well. And now, now he doesn’t know what to think. But he knows he’s not going to give up on their relationship without a fight. He can’t. 

* * *

Outside the bar Silver’s snuck out for a smoke with Ann who’s not ready to go in yet. They’re huddled under the awning, smoking and shivering and watching the party though the window. 

Silver watches Flint sipping his beer and laughing at something Eleanor’s saying. His heart swells just watching him. He loves Flint so much. And the thought of being without him hurts. It physically hurts him.

He sighs and takes another drag on his cigarette. He should talk to him. He should just talk to him. Why is he suck a fucking coward?

“Is that Billy and Muldoon?” Anne murmurs.

Silver glances up at the window and blinks. “Yeah.” That’s so not what he expected, and yet there they are, kissing behind the Christmas tree. Billy and Muldoon, what the fuck? 

Anne shrugs. “Who knew.”

* * *

At one point Eleanor looks over and catches Charles’s eye. They look at each for a moment and then Charles gives a little shrug and Eleanor answers it with one of her own. They don’t need to say it in words. It’s been over for a while. Charles raises his glass, and Eleanor smiles in spite of herself and raises her own in an answering toast.

The thing is, Eleanor doesn’t want to fight at Christmas or any other time really, it just keeps happening, and yeah she knows that’s a sign that she should have ended it a long time ago. But maybe, she looks at Max now, maybe now is the right moment after all.

* * *

When Silver goes back inside he watches Anne go over to the bar and join Jack. All around him the party is buzzing, and people are laughing. It’s a good party and Flint should be proud. He looks around to find Flint in the crowd. When he does, Silver just sighs, gazing at him. Flint stands there, wearing his Christmas jumper that Eleanor gave him last year. It’s got reindeer prancing across the front, but also weird little baked hams and things that are probably meant to be Christmas cookies but look more like flying saucers. It’s truly absurd and it doesn’t matter. 

Flint starts over towards him and all of Silver’s resolutions fly straight out of the window. He can’t do this. The closer Flint gets the worse he feels and finally just as Flint reaches him, Silver can’t take it. He turns and flees into the back store room. Flint follows him, closing the door behind them, trying to block out the noise of the party.

“Can we just talk?” Flint says desperately. “I know things have been difficult lately and I’m trying to understand, but if we could just talk…surely.” Surely, they can fix it. They have to be able to fix it. They have to.

"I can't believe you're breaking up with me right on Christmas Eve." Silver manages to say it without crying. Alright there are tears starting in his eyes, but he's still holding them back. At least he's doing that. He can get through this, and then later he can break the fuck down in private.

Flint blinks. "What?"

"You, breaking up with me." Silver wipes the back of his sleeve angrily over his eyes. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" 

"I thought that's what...you've been trying to do for the past two weeks?" 

"You seriously think I've been trying to break up with you for the last two weeks?" Flint stares at him, brow furrowed. And then it smooths as he realizes what this means. "Is that why you've been avoiding me so much?"

"Yeah." Silver folds his arms over his chest, hunching a little. "So fine, go ahead and do it." He can face the music. It's not like he can't make a good breakup mix.

"You idiotic little shit." Flint says, and then starts chuckling. "If I didn't love you so much, I would break up with you just to teach you a fucking lesson."

All Silver hears is that Flint loves him, and his body starts to relax. "You love me." He can breathe again now. Everything is all right. Flint loves him.

"Yes." Flint moves in so Silver's pressed back against the shelves and Flint slips an arm around him and curls his other hand through Silver's hair. "I love you."

He kisses Silver's mouth softly, reminding Silver just of every single good thing about their relationship, all the things Silver's been trying to cling to, but mostly he reminds Silver with just that simple gesture, how much he truly is loved. Flint pulls him closer as they kiss and he smells warm and wintry and like Flint, that fresh, crisp scent that always reminds Silver of the sea. 

Silver breathes in softly, his lips drawing back a little as he gazes up at Flint. "All right."

"All right, what?" Flint murmurs, curling his fingers affectionately through Silver's hair, watching the way Silver's eyelids half-close at the pleasure of it. 

"Whatever you were wanting to say." 

At that Flint snorts and he steps back a moment, chest shaking with laughter. "All right? All right?"

"Well, yeah." Silver looks at him confused. "If you want to get a plant together."

"If I want to get a plant together?" Flint repeats. "Honestly, where the fuck do you get your ideas?"

"It was just a suggestion." Silver says crisply. "So what were you going to say?"

"I was going to say, before I was so rudely distracted and avoided for two weeks by my boyfriend, whom I do love but occasionally want to throttle," Flint clears his throat, "That I want to get married. That I want to marry you. I want to be married to you.”

Time stops. Silver can't even hear the noise from the party anymore, just the unbearable loud thumping of his own heart. That means it's real, right? It has to be. He stares at Flint incredulously.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes." Flint says. "Will you? Marry me?"

It feels like Silver can't swallow over the lump in his throat for the longest time. "Yes." He manages at last. "Yes."

Flint's mouth curves into a smile. "That's a little more definitive than 'all right.'

Silver shakes his head, laughing. 'You're never going to let me live that down, are you?'

"Nope." Flint moves in to take him in his arms again. "Ten, twenty, hell, even fifty years from now, I will remind you of that."

"I can live with that." Silver says, reaching up to put his arms around Flint's neck. "If you can."

* * *

When they come out of the backroom everyone’s standing around watching expectantly.

“What?” Silver asks self-consciously. 

“I take it he didn’t break up with you.” Billy says at last.

Silver laughs, and shakes his head. “No, quite the opposite.” He smiles at all of them, all of their friends, who are here to celebrate the holidays. “We’re getting married.”

There’s a cheer and Jack starts handing out glasses as Charles pours the champagne he’s been waiting to open. They’re surrounded by everyone patting them on the back and wishing them congratulations. Flint gazes down at Silver and knows himself to be truly happy.

* * *

Flint sips his champagne and watches the party around him. He can't believe Silver thought he was going to break up with him. It still makes him want to laugh, and at the same time, fills him with panic. How on earth did Silver get that idea? When all Flint said was they had needed to talk.

"Idiot." Anne responds when he says this aloud to her. "Everyone thinks they're gonna get broken up with when someone says that. It's universal."

"Seriously?"

"It's a terrible phrase," she says "Especially when that's all that's said. You have to immediately give more information otherwise everything's fucked."

"So it's my fault Silver's been worried for the last two weeks." 

"Yes and no." Anne shrugs. "He should have talked to you about it, but I can see why he didn't." Her eyes drift down the bar to where Jack and Charles are laughing together. "He was afraid of losing you, which again, I get. But when the two of you are connected, communicating, you're really fucking good together. So don't lose that." She bumps his shoulder. 

"Thanks." Flint says. He glances over to where his bar mates are. "What do you think of that development?"

Anne shrugs. "I think it's been a long time coming." She glances in the other direction where Eleanor and Max are looking over the jukebox selections together. Eleanor's hand slipping easily into Max's as they choose a song. "I think it's about fucking time."

Flint chuckles. If he's honest, he couldn't agree more.

* * *

"So." Silver clears his throat over the champagne. "You and Muldoon."

Billy chokes a little on his champagne and looks at him suspiciously. "How did you know?"

"You were kissing in front of the window." Silver says indignantly. “Right behind the Christmas tree!”

"Oh. Right." Billy sighs. "Yeah."

Silver searches his face. "That's all? Yeah?" For a moment there’s a flash of jealousy. He can’t believe Billy didn’t tell him. For that matter, he can’t believe Muldoon didn’t tell him. Muldoon always talks about his dating adventures. But then he thinks about Billy and how private he is, and he understands why Muldoon didn’t tell him.

"I just prefer to keep things quiet, you know." Billy looks uncomfortable and for once Silver decides to be merciful.

"I get it." He says. "Anyway, I just wanted to say, I'm happy for you. I mean it."

"Thanks." Billy smiles at him. "I am too."

* * *

Later that night upstairs in Flint’s flat, Silver sits on the end of Flint’s bed and watches him take off his Christmas jumper with a satisfied expression.

“What?” Flint asks. 

“Nothing.” Silver stretches luxuriously, folding his arms behind his head as he watches his prospective husband finally get the sweater all the way off and toss it over a chair.

Flint turns and comes over to the bed. “Come here.”

Silver sits up, scooching down to the end of the bed. 

Flint leans down and kisses him. “Promise me that we’ll talk to each other.” He curls his fingers through Silver’s hair, drawing the kiss out, teasing Silver’s lower lip with his teeth. 

Silver groans a little as Flint nudges him backwards onto the bed and pulls his shirt up so he can kiss his chest. Every kiss sends tantalizing zings of pleasure up and down Silver’s body until he wants to melt into it. 

"When the two of us are of the same mind,” Flint presses another kiss to Silver’s belly, as he teases one pert nipple with his thumb. “Nothing can dissuade us. So promise me that you’ll talk to me."

"You're not wrong." Silver admits. "I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have…trusted you." There's still a lot about his past that Flint doesn't know and he's been incredibly patient but Silver knows he's going to have to try harder to make this work. The fact that Flint's willing to marry him, that he wants to marry him even without knowing everything, is incredible. The trust there, placed carefully in Silver's care, makes him feel like he's been given something remarkably precious. He wants to do it justice.

"It's all right." Flint tells him softly. "We'll have a lifetime to figure this out." He leans over to grab the lube from the bedside table and catches sight of the time. 12:01. It's Christmas now. When he rolls back towards Silver, he's smiling.

"What?" Silver asks, smiling at Flint’s smile. Just the sight of it makes him happy. He couldn’t ask for more.

"Merry Christmas, my love." Flint says and kisses him.

~ * ~


End file.
